Too much? Too little? or just right?

This week everything hit me.

I ate too much at Easter and paid for it the next two days with my body revolting.

Came back to work with an attitude of irritation, not gratitude with my students. Short tempered and every time they didn’t listen and I had to repeat myself or repeat what was written on the board I would lose my mind.

Talking with a friend after work in her office, I realized I’m having a harder time being back in the classroom than I thought. I was doing very well with teaching seventh graders science. I was excited to get back into the trenches of teaching and learning daily; having impact on a group of students who are mine.

I felt it was a smart move as an aspiring administrator to get back in the classroom after over five years of being a coach and strategist before being a supervisor.

At my previous school I was in the know, now I’m not. I like knowing what is happening at the school level, being a part of the decision making process. Maybe next year…

Today I am overwhelmed with my life, all the things I have put on myself. Some things I can make changes to, some I can’t.

First, I’m moving by April 30 out of my apartment. This is the first move on my own, without my kids or a partner since 2000. It’s more emotional than I thought it would be and I’m not dealing with it well. I’m making the transition to gypsy life, keep your eyes open for this in the future. I can’t change the date to leave, but I have asked for help to get the job done. I need to pack and I’ve asked for help with someone coming over to talk to me while I pack. That will help a lot. I need boxes or bins. My decision.

Second, I started this blog thinking I would write three days a week: Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. I began planning this a month ago. I was doing so well and was even ahead of my plan and now I’m writing the day before. Last week I was late and wrote Thursdays on Friday. A really smart friend, Judy, I talked about her before, reminded me this project is mine. I get to decide what I do, how often I do it. Wow…My decision. My choice. No one is banging down my door telling me to write and change their life.

Third, our school is relocating to a brand new building. So I have to pack at work too. I have moved so many fun things from my house to my classroom and when I start the school year with a new group of sixth graders next year, it should be fun and exciting. Considering I started mid-year, I have a ton of stuff to move. That is my decision to bring my life into my classroom. I don’t have to take these things with me.

Fourth, I have had some health concerns that have come up in the last several months I have been working on and I not feeling like it’s making a difference. I’m exhausted and unsure of how to fix it. I can choose my beliefs, my words to myself, how I fuel my body and take care of myself.

Fifth, I feel lonely. I live alone. No kids at home anymore. No pets. I have friends and family I can call and talk to, but sometimes I just wait until someone calls me. I fill my life, my calendar with all kinds of activities. Judy gave me some more wisdom…What if I’m not allowing for space in my life to just be? I can choose to appreciate and enjoy my time with or without others.

Sixth, I have an epic summer planned. However, I still have to buy some tickets and decide what fun I want to have: Salt Lake City, Mercury, Dallas, Johnson Space Center, Toledo, Maui, Oahu, Salt Lake, Tahoe and California parks. Some alone, some with family, some with friends. I get to choose where I go, what I do and who I do it with.

Seventh, I have applied for two different leadership programs. I won’t know until July if I have been accepted to either, neither or both. Either program could change the trajectory of my future. Sometimes as I think about retiring in three years, I’m not sure what I should do. Do I continue working and put my admin degree to use since I just got it last year? Do I stop working and enjoy life without pressures of work? Do I continue what I started here, expand it with another project in mind with a partner in education who passed away? So many options…

Last, I’m supposed to move in with my daughter in late summer early fall. Hopefully the place we found has a three bedroom so we can. If not, I don’t know my plan for where I’ll be living. This is something I’m very much looking forward to, but who knows what the future has in store for us.

So why could I possibly be overwhelmed?

I don’t know where you are in your life, but if you are feeling lost, overwhelmed or lonely…please know you are not alone and you don’t have to stay there.

What are you doing these days? What advice would you give me?