What did you learn at school today?

How do you create a better relationship with your child's teacher to bridge the gap between home and school.

Ever asked that question to your child before? Do you actually receive an answer each day? Our children who go to school out of the house are with strangers, “learning” for six or more hours each day. I quit asking this question to my children because I wouldn’t get an answer.

***Disclaimer*** This post may be hard to read and internalize for both teachers and parents. If anything I have written resonates, sit with it. If a question feels like an attack, sit with it and ask why? If the question is not true for you, please do not think I’m judging you as a parent. These come from a place of wisdom AFTER raising children, these are NOT things I did when my children were growing. I’m trying to raise awareness and build capacity for us a village raising your child. ***Disclaimer***

What if…

-they truly don’t remember because they don’t know or don’t care?
-you knew what was being taught?
-you understood how they were learning it?
-you could question to help build thinking and comprehension of the topic?
-you trusted YOUR relationship with the teacher to reach out?
-you knew where to look to find the information if the teacher is not receptive?
-you could bypass your child and get better questions from the teacher?
-you had someone to ask questions to that wouldn’t judge you? (BTW you do, that’s me!)

I raised four children who attended public education while I taught within the pubic education setting. I did not create a relationship with my children’s teachers to support what they were teaching to my children, even when I taught in the same school. I trusted them with the education of my children and didn’t look back. I never spent time in a classroom understanding what my children were experiencing. I never felt I had to step in, until I did.

I don’t want to you to think that my kids were perfect. They were not and are not. My middle son was a terror in middle school. Smart as a whip and would hijack classrooms. We pulled him out of traditional public education after the first quarter of eighth grade and enrolled him in a hybrid school where we could be in more control, but I was still not the teacher. My youngest son made some very poor choices his sophomore and junior year which were not discovered until the summer before senior year. Those choices led to moving him out of state and enrolling in a full time at home online public school for senior year. I still wasn’t his teacher. I still haven’t followed up with his teachers to question things. His grades have been fine and I’ve been more concerned with behaviors.

However, I did ask my children’s teacher for help, ONCE, every year. When my youngest entered kindergarten I got the idea to have my child’s teachers write positive messages in a book I could give him at graduation. I started this with all my children at the age they were at the time: 14, 12, 9. This book has made my kids have a set of positive messages encouraging them to be their best and live a life they love. Thank you to those teachers who helped raise my children into amazing independent people. It never occurred to me to reach out as a partner in learning.

Now as I am back in the classroom I look at parent involvement much differently. Did you know most, if not all, curriculum companies have at least a family letter for each unit of study for the teacher to share with you? Did you know some curriculum have family homework activities?

Don’t shoot the messenger…

My experience with teachers is this - teachers don’t think the parents care or have time to read or do the activities they may send home. Teachers think the time they spend on making copies and sending them home is a waste of time and school resources.

I also think that teachers are scared of parents. Rather than believing that parents and teachers are two sides of the same coin, serving the same purpose, they see themselves as adversaries. What if we believed we were partners?

I believe each parent sends the very best of who they have to school; they don’t keep the good ones at home. In addition, I believe each parent has hopes and dreams for their child, just as we do from the school side. We haven’t always communicated what that is. I told you my dreams for my kids. As long as my children were held accountable for their learning and work, I was fine with whatever school did. What are your dreams for your family?

I told my children “grades don’t matter, but you better not have a missing assignment. You are to do your best and if you have done everything the teacher has asked you to do and you get a C or D, then I know I need to step in.” I KNOW if a child has attempted with their best effort EVERY assignment, they will learn something and they will not fail the class.

I also know that parenting today is hard. Whether you have both parents who made the child, or any other combination of parenting, it’s hard. We were all raised differently and have different ideas of familial support for a child’s education. I also believe that no one loves your kid more than you. The teachers, tutors and coaches do love your kid, but not more than you. YOU are the one.

During COVID, I was encouraged to start another tutoring company, however, my beliefs are not in alignment with this. I wanted to tutor parents, not students. I believe YOUR relationship with YOUR child is the most important, not mine. You are your child’s superhero! And if you don’t believe me, I already wrote about it.

I am a go to the source kind of person. I don’t like to beat around the bush. So…what I’m suggesting might be a little out there and different. It may be uncomfortable for all stakeholders. BUT what if it worked? What if you bypass the child and go right to the parent? What if you bypass your kiddo and go right to the teacher?

If you are a teacher…

-Are you willing to reflect and be honest with yourself?
-Are you wanting to create better relationships with the families of your students?
-How are you open to the parents of your students?
-Are you completely transparent?
-When do you contact parents?
-What do you tell them?
-Do you have conversations about how great their kid is?
-Are you patient with each parent with their concerns?
-Do you know their concerns?
-Do you know the child’s hopes and dreams for their future?
-Do you know the parents hopes and dreams for their child’s future?

Day one of my teaching a new group of students and meeting a new set of families, I make sure I let each parent know they are welcome in my classroom at any time. That there is nothing I’m embarrassed about or ashamed of. Nothing that I’m hiding or need to prepare for. Come in anytime, unannounced, because parents are always welcome.

I share the rubrics used for grading, the videos shown in class, and other information from the curriculum created to connect families to what their child is learning. My philosophy is that parents can’t help if they are not informed. So I share, share and share. I had a parent after a month of this tell me I’m the first teacher in the history of her children in middle school to care and she thanked me.

What students are expected to learn and how they are expected to learn it is very different that what education was like before 2010. Parents who have not experienced this type of learning need love, support and understanding. They don’t know how things work and why we do what we do. Schools haven’t always done an effective job of communicating these changes.

Today’s student is a technology native. Not every parent and teacher is. Their brain is wired with 10-30 second sound bites which is different than a technology immigrant. Children have always felt their parents were out of touch with what they are living with. So that feeling is not new, however the experiences our children/students are having through a technology lens are extremely different.

Today’s classroom has SEL - Social Emotional Lessons. This is because today’s students do not have the empathy expected to come into kindergarten. Children are not prepared to work collaboratively, which is a fancy word for work together, take turns and share.

I have a family member who is an anthropologist who asked me recently about if common core teaches about morals, ethics, bigotry, etc. I responded no. Common Core is about basic skills for academics in English Language Arts and Mathematics. The work load a teacher is expected to impart on students is not just reading, writing and arithmetic. In addition to those basic foundations, we also have science, health, social studies, computer applications, speaking and listening skills, reading foundations (phonics), literary text, informational text, algebraic thinking, geometry, measurement, data, numeracy, fractions, and social emotional learning. Some schools are also incorporating STEM/STEAM or PBL lessons as well.

STEM=Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics

STEAM=Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts and Mathematics

PBL=Project/Problem Based Learning

The school day has not been lengthened, other than to reduce recess/play time. Without partnering with parents, how are teachers going to win for our next generation?

Parents:
-Do you really want schools and teachers to do this work without you?
-Are you a parent wanting to connect with your child’s teacher?
-Do you hear from your child’s teacher?
-What kinds of things do they share with you?
-When is the last time you heard about what they are learning in class?
-If you have the opportunity to spend time in your child’s classroom would you?
-Have you asked about how you can help your child learn what is being taught at school?

What can you do to help your child learn?

My philosophy is that YOU, family care givers, are the best and first teacher of your child. They are being programed for life with your words and example from birth. Mine were too. My goal for my children was to be independent, self-sufficient, productive members of society. I have succeeded in this goal. Each of my adult children pays their own way and as my 17 year old is getting ready to graduate and enter adulthood, I’m teaching him about budgeting, retirement savings, options for living places and applying for jobs while digging into the current food service job to find transferrable skills to any position.

If your child is in grades kindergarten through second grade, reading to them at home is imperative. Talking to them about numbers not just as a the numeral you read, but as the quantity. Practice writing and coloring. Give your child chores, organizing and sorting is part of mathematical thinking. Play card games and have fun with winning and losing.

If your child is in upper elementary grades three through five, they are now reading to learn. Daily reading at home is still very important with both fiction and nonfiction of their choice. Playing card and board games while keeping score, using money and making change are so helpful to their development.

In middle or high school, ask your child’s teacher questions about what they are learning in class. Use an AI platform to connect what they are learning with what they are interested in. This will help them want to learn what they have to learn.

If you are interested in learning more about how to empower yourself as a parent of a child learning, thinking and growing but need some help, reach out.

What if this week…

-you pay attention to what papers come home, if you don’t already?
-you watch your child clean out the backpack?
-look up the names of assignments on the online grade reporting platform?
-ask what did you read today?
-what did you write about today?
-ask the teacher what topics of study are coming up and how you can support them at home.

I have a parent of a student this year who messages me constantly, especially if there is a missing assignment. His son’s success is important to him. As his child’s teacher, I try to let him know what we are learning and how he can help. He’s coming from the old school mentality of getting the work done means learning occurred. That’s not necessarily true and I no longer permit that kind of work to be submitted. Check out my other posts about what I’m doing in my classroom with grades and proficiency.

This morning, I received an email from this parent wanting to know how he can support his son throughout the summer. I was excited for this! His request came as should my son attend summer school (which is not appropriate for this child at this time) or can the teacher make a worksheet packet for him to practice over summer? You may not know this yet, but I’m not a fan of worksheets, for anything.

However, I did respond to this parent with a new idea of a project for me to help my students prepare for next years state testing. I told this dad that I am a fan of thinking and learning and that I have an idea and solution. Since COVID, I started creating inquiry based unit studies. This is the start of my idea. I’m not quite sure how I’ll do it, but next year this eighth grade boy (and all his classmates) will be expected to have remembered all the standards taught (hopefully learned) in grades 6, 7, and 8 and apply them to a test in the spring. I’ll share more in May, after I create it. I have some ideas…

Share your successes with other parents and teachers when you leave a comment.

Have you had a successful relationship with your child’s teacher? How did it happen?